My Land

 Tu estas esperando que yo te demuestre que soy capaz de algo para ver si me dices si o no? Tu estas a la espera de encontrar algo en mi? Porque, la respuesta, Angel, está en ti. Si te quieres dejar amar y amar tu tambien. I dont have to wait until he realizes im worth it. I dont have to wait until he gets revenge. I dont have to wait until he feels confident, because I gave him all I could give him. - Almost And I'm about to be over with it. Am I really the problem? Am I really really the problem? It's kind of abusive what youre doing you know?  I pour everything I have, over and over and all I get is a solid rock. All I get is someone who does not want to see what I do...who does not want to see who I am. Pero que dice que lo va a pensar. Pero lo piensa y me cuestiona y me pone a prueba... y me sigue tratando igual, como una impostora. Como algo toxico o venenoso que hay que mantener lejos... Yo no quiero estar de lejos porque se que tengo defectos, todos los tenemos. Yo asu...

 After a session of yoga dedicated to the heart chakra i just found I resonated with a couple of affirmations. They all had to do with my ability to heal, to feel compassion for myself and others and to be able to forgive and be forgiven.  I cried on each one of them.  Because I dont really work from compassion to everyone, especially those closest to me, lately. I am not even sure I have felt so much more compassion- wait- my other self, the little girl, says 'yes' , i have been gentler to myself lately. To others? Maybe...or maybe not.  Truth be told, the healing part scares me the most, I actually wonder, am I ever going to heal? And I think it's a powerful question that goes beyond my ability to feel joy spontaniously...I believe it touches God's door and my intuition and my heart and the universe all at once. Will I?  About forgiving and being able to forgive, well, after mom literally asked me to let go and forgive everything...I must say no im not ready t...

 You reap what you sow. I believe that, i've been seeding quite a few plants in my heart. I know eventually they'll grow and become fruits.  Honestly, I dont even like the job I had, so I'll just quit. Not interested in going to an office every day for 2 months or more. I just dont like the job. Only thing left is to actually study.To really get into it. Right now I need the strength to believe I will make it, cause there's not much else I can do. Dont want to go back to where I was a month ago. I pray to God to give me strength, discipline and everything I need to achieve what he has prepared for me. I also pray to have clarity and peace of mind, to be able to see the path and follow it through.  So, be it planting real seeds (which I intend to) or just spiritual ones, I want to work the land and sow love, lots of love.  Because, ultimately, it's all I need.

 Hablemos de fe, o mejor, hablemos de Dios y religión.  Mira, que en vez de hacer lo que se esperaría (que me ponga a llenar las preguntas que me hizo Angel) estoy aquí, escribriendo de Dios porque, al final El tiene el control de esa y todas las situaciones. Y no está de más seguir con este journal project, con el tema que más me agrada ahora mismo. Para hacer la historia debemos empezar con cuando tenía unos 6 meses, que me bautizaron 2 seres humanos que no vivían en stgo y llegaron de Miami así un día a lo loco..buenos amigos de mis padres, pareja de de arquitecta e ingeniero. Bonito, no?  Ese día según me cuentan todo fue rapido y hubo que conseguir una iglesia donde la brisa dio la vuelta (un dia me la enseñaron no recuerdo donde esta) porque el padrino no iba a estar aqui al dia siguiente..¿y que presion eeee? Ironico, asi mismo ha sido casi todo en mi vida, so that explains a lot you know? Eso de hacer algo tan importante de forma rushed y deliberada porque habia q...