Logros

 If we go back to the beginning, probably one of my first achievements was that time when in kindergarten I had to make a modeled clay version of my hand. I remember the white material, my teacher's hand grasping mine and guiding it to the clay so that I could make a perfect 4 year old me hand. I wonder where that hand is nowadays, I do know I saw it on my teen years and for sure I enjoyed seeing my good work. Painted a light pastel green, that was my mother's day gift. 

Then, about when I was 6, I finished my first Nacho Book. I was so happy because everyone told me how "adelantada" I was. My first caligrafia was so beautifully filled. In second grade I won the olimpiada de ortografia at my school, as i would do every single year until i graduated.Those were my trophies, but no trophy nor achievement as getting the "Estudiante Estrella" award. That one, which began when i was in third grade, i did not always win, BUT I did get about 4 of those and it accounted for something very important to me. Not sharing the same classroom with Daniela Espinal really made things easier for me. Then I learned I could write, or well, that i enjoyed writing. Sometimes I won, some i didnt. But that's another story.Forgot to mention I won the "abejita" award for "buena gente" almost every year i didnt win estudiante estrella. Dont even know if its funny or what...But I did have some pressure on the expectations of "sera mejor ser buena gente o inteligente??" So yes, from a very young age I've been conscious of my weak emotional areas, because i remember i worked for that abejita...i dindnt want to be the lonely genius.

Another great achievement was, well, every single time i passed a french test by only studying the night before and doing homework the same day (saturday waking up a 6 to do homework before 8am) All my DELF, except the last one, were achieved the same way. Dont get me wrong, I kinda enjoyed the ambience at l'alliance francaise, its just i didnt feel safe. Having Irene, Paloma, Odette and Ivan kinda made things easier. Made me happier. I was the little girl of the group for sure, but i began to feel accepted for who i was for some of the first times on my life. 

Achievements, well. What else? i made a big pause here because, in my teenage years my achievements didnt go too far from the academic stuff you know? Maybe reading 30 books in a year or helping the librarian clean the shelves...Perfectioning my english was surely an achievement which i gained on my own.

Anywho, sophomore year my achievement was that after intensively working on therapy for my social anxiety and fear of speaking in public, I could finally read "el valor del mes" en frente de todo el colegio and actually act in a monologue of 5 minutes at el Gran Teatro como una modelo venezolana. Vale, que no lo hice sola, es verdad. Los nervios me traicionaron y me tome 1/2 sedoxil 30min antes de la aparicion. Lo unico que puedo decir es que el logro fue, todos esos ensayos en los que aprendi a articular, hablar, pronunciar bien las palabras y dramatizar en frente de los demas sin mucho temor al que diran.

Seguimos...Another achievement was probably when I graduated french un año antes que todos en mi colegio, en nivel adulto. Yeah, I liked being adelantada, so dont judge me. Not like i had many options you know? But, thats for another entry.

Graduating school and reciting my valedictorian english speech labeled "You're not special" Desafiar a la directora por querer cambiarmelo el mismo dia y decir busca alguien mas que lo haga, porque yo no leere otra cosa. Y lo lei, lo lei para todos y hasta hoy nadie me ha dicho que fue ofensivo. That was an achievement y una muestra muy clara de mi caracter which i am proud of.

Elegir carrera, porque me iba a permitir tener puertas abiertas fue un achievement, porque al final soy una persona muy libre o al menos eso creo saber, y necesitaba la garantia de que i could make it somewhere else. Fue un achievement aceptar esa parte de mi y darle nombre y direccion. Fue un achievement asistir a terapia todos esos meses de los primeros años de universidad y ganar cociencia sobre mi, construir mi autoestima y entender un poco mas mi historia de manera que pude verme como parte de ella, sin ser tanto una victima. Entener quemis padres tienen sus situaciones y no me involucran, que ellos son ellos y yo yo...welll todavia lo debo aprender. Pero en ese momento "I am enough" "I am complete" "i deserve love" fueron mis 3 mantras, el ultimo un poco mas olvidado. Pero lograr la terapia, salir bien de ella y seguir con las herramientas me fue extremadamente de provecho y fue un logro para mi.

Fue un logro poder salir de mi zona de comfort, experimentar cosas para que no me cuenten y tener mayor seguridad de lo que SI queria. Menos party fiesta y mas satisfaccion en cosas pequeñas. Menos instagram y mas cafes y charlas. Menos planear y organizar y mas mira las lindas flores y la luna. Fue un logro viajar sola, cmainar sola y aprender de mi familia en EEUU. MAnejar.

Then, mis logros han sido un poco mas catastroficos ironicamente. Para hacerlo rapido y poco doloroso: entender mis limites, saber que los tengo y rozarlos constantemente, monitoria, publicaciones en revistas, amistades (ya no tanto) en la mesa 003, dejarme tener un amor de verano, y well Angel fue un logro. Logre compartir intimidad y afecto como nunca en mi vida lo habia hecho. Logre amar de una forma...Y por ultimo, amar tanto y tanto que aqui estoy por amar tanto que well...therapy again es un logro supongo.