Storm

I am angry, very angre. So ngry I cant even hide it from the ones I love.Why  just why would he just leave me hanging? Is it some kind cruel of test?  Is it because he does not want to say "no"? If its that, then he's a selfish morron. Because he knows I suffer, he knows it so well. 

It's like I'm not even worth a proper goodbye, a proper "look, I dont think we could ever work." 

1 year and 2 months...as if nothing. 

Like I wasnt trying, I was trying. God knows I was, I just didnt know what I know now and its NOT FAIR. Cant say I've changed entirely, that would be a lie. Now at least I can say I need to stop and think....stop and think stop and think srop and think and walk away for a moment and ask things from the in an assertive manner. To stop wishing and expecting 24/7 and focus on the now. To focus on what is good now. To appreciate it and create moments because ...JUST BECAUSE.

Because I wanted a future with him, because I see how he balances me and makes me better. Because I see how good he is and all the good he has to give to world. Because i see his weakness and want to care for it like it were mine....

Because I want to comfort him and offer him a safe space to lie down, a home within another self when he feels trapped inside. Because i fucking love him and apparently thats not enough, and i know very thats not enough to stay and hurts like a motherfucker and i just wanna stop feeling and die and wish id never met him so that i didnt know what love was and just not suffer like this. 

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